Despite my one good, 20-20-shoots-a-laser-beam eye, I feel in a fog without my glasses. This is not because I can’t see well but because of the tendency for one eye to take over and the other to take a vacation. I may leave my wire and glass apparatus at home on purpose if going out with friends or exercising, but I always wear my glasses to work. That is, unless my cat plays air hockey with them across the coffee table and sends them to make friends with the dust bunnies nesting snugly beneath my couch.
So, I showed up to work dim and early today, my stomach already growling in protest from a small oatmeal breakfast that was calculated precisely to start my metabolism and then turn my body on its own fat cells. By the time the blur of morning copies and planning lifted, I was outside myself watching this me-person rushing up the stairwell of a century-old building where countless bodies had gone before over countless years to the same tall-windowed classroom–a sky box of the mind. Who was this girl, so easily replaced, who climbed two stairs at a time and let her plans for the day cloud her picture of the future?
Maybe it was low sugar. Maybe it was the lack of sharpness to the edges of things or the blood leaving my brain from the rush up the stairs, but I had…a moment. I could see everything ahead of me and behind me, and I was a dot on a line that was really a circle. I was a flat object in a flat building and couldn’t appreciate the true scale or dimension of the universe. And there she goes along the same path, ignoring the shadows of paths that constantly branch off from her–another possibility every microsecond. Why? And what did it matter when the Sun would eventually expand and swallow what was left of it all whole–a single star in an unremarkable galaxy in a doughnut-shaped universe that would expand and expand until it was too large for anything to touch, not even the smallest particles…
“Whoa,” I said, pausing on the landing. “I think…I need a doughnut.”
Yes. Clearly that was what my subconscious was telling me. And anyway, pastries are the first and best defense against existential attacks.
So I made a purposeful decision to change my path…and make a stop in the break room.
How about you? Had any existential thoughts lately?
Michelle Joyce Bond
michellejoycebond.com 
Wow, my thoughts never get that deep. Must be all the male anatomy and poo jokes from my teenage sons. They keep me grounded. 😉
It’s true–once I got back to the classroom, the kids there grounded me. They are very good for that. 🙂
That was most definitely deep. 😉 Each week I watch back-to-back episodes of “Through the Wormhole” hosted by God – AKA Morgan Freeman – until one thought leads to another and I start thinking that more than likely there isn’t an eternity and everything might really end and then I become totally depressed and my mind implodes. Now I know to stop and have a doughnut when I reach that point. A Krispy Kreme doughnut… 😀 Hope you are feeling all better. 😉
I haven’t seen that show, but I’m looking it up now. Seems interesting. Ever see The Cosmos? Watched that on tape from the library–super nerd that I am. 🙂 And yup–definitely feeling better. I had to bake for an event tomorrow morning, and whoops…there go several mini muffins.
I’m looking up The Cosmos, but I’ll go for doughnuts first. 🙂 Glad you are feeling better.
PS OHOHOH … have you seen the trailer to “Transcendence” with Johnny Depp and… um…God? I am SO excited, can’t wait (can you tell? 🙂 Comes out April 18 I think. A lot of it if not all was filmed here in NM. 😀
I have now. 🙂 Looks awesome!
Nice post Dear..! 😉
I have had quite a few moments like that, but usually I have an audience for them, and they wonder if I am crazy or not.
Glad to see I am not as alone as I originally thought.
I’ve had those watch yourself making a public speech moments. Very unsettling. I usually guard against this with copious amounts of fresh fruit. Good sugar at least… 🙂
Nice post, very thought-provoking. I find pastries usually do help greatly in these kinds of deep-thought moments 😀
Candy, too! Valentines Day chocolate is still rolling around in my desk. 🙂
“…a single star in an unremarkable galaxy in a doughnut-shaped universe…” Oh, my, I’m craving a doughnut also. “Existence precedes essence…I am; therefore, I can savor a doughnut.”
Well said! 🙂
What are all you women talking about? Having a donut is not an existential moment. Neither is any moment leading up to the decision to have a donut. Or a pastry. Get hold of yourselves! Never mind worrying about waistlines. You want a donut, have a donut! Me? I’m going home and opening up a bottle of beer. You’ve made me thirsty!
Haha–love it! 🙂
Figure this one out: I sometimes have thought so deep and profound in that twilight between sleep and wake that they’re too much for me to wrap my mind around when I wake up. Woah.
Just today, though, as I walked from the parking deck into work, I had an incredible moment of connection between me and a huge donut with frosting and sprinkles.
I might fulfill my destiny tomorrow morning.
The doughnut appears to have spread through the collective unconscious. 🙂
What’s next? World Peace?
Or, at least, crepes that spread through the collective unconscious?